As promised I’m back with the second half to the post I made last week, but this time I’m covering the things that the United States could learn from Spain. I know that the first half of this series was a little harsh on Spain, but give it a few months and I’ll probably be looking at Spain with rose colored glasses and be back to complaining about the United States like I did for the first 23 years of my life. I say all of this to just show that culture is completely relative and which country and culture you choose to live in is entirely a personal preference based on what values you feel you simply cannot compromise. It just so happens that Spain has a few deal breakers for me, but the United States is no utopia. I think that the United States could and should take notes from Spain, so with that I give you my top four things that the United States is, in my opinion, failing at and Spain is succeeding at.
Mental Health
I did not seek mental health care in Spain, so I cannot speak to this part of their healthcare system. However, I think that the laid back nature of their society lends itself to a healthier mentality. At 4 or 5 or 6pm, whenever you get off work in Spain, work is over until the next day or until after the weekend. Unless you are a CEO, run your own business, are a doctor on call, or some other extenuating circumstance, you will not check emails after work, answer calls, or bring work home with you.
This does mean that things take a while longer as mentioned in my last post, but not to be cliché, you do really only live once. At the end of the day, does it really matter if that correspondence took three days instead of one if the end result is that people aren’t so anxious and depressed all the time. Spain does have very low levels of depression and anxiety compared to other developed nations, and I’ve seen the argument made that it’s because of the fact that Spain gets so many days of sunshine a year. I do think that helps, but I think it really boils down to the culture being so much more relaxed. No one is every really in a hurry, and this can be frustrating for an outsider, but it makes perfect sense why they are a happier society.
In the United States, there is so much pressure to perfectly balance every area of your life. You must have a well-paying job that also is the perfect combination of all your “passions.” You are expected to hit the gym at least 3x per week but also still have the energy to go to work happy hours and brunch. You are expected to have hobbies, travel, and some how still have time left over to do self-care things like reading in the bath or meditating. The truth is that we’re so busying trying to do everything that we just feel like we’re failing all the time, and that level of stress is not healthy. I love that the United States is a go getter society, because I think that this is something that makes the country stand out. It’s the reason the biggest companies in the world, Amazon, Apple, Google, Facebook, etc. are all American, but I also think that this constant strive towards something better means that we’re never satisfied and consequently never happy.
Physical Contact
Teaching at a Spanish school has been such a shock to my American eyes. Every day I see teachers hugging and kissing students, holding their hands, and putting them on their laps. I had remind myself over and over that this behavior was not inappropriate as it would be in the United States. After the initial shock, I came to realize how much better for the children this physical contact was. It is my opinion that children need to be hugged and kissed and shown physical affection as part of their development. There is so much evidence to show that children must be give physical affection by somebody in their life to mentally develop properly, and it seems absurd that teacher shouldn’t be a part of that area of their development.
It seems so ridiculous to me that because of a few messed up people nobody can hug their students anymore. I think that the people who truly end up losing out are the children. When a kid is upset because they’re sick or something bad is going on at home, I hate the thought that in the United States I wouldn’t be able to give them a hug.
Guns
This one is pretty straightforward. I have been present at one shooting already in my life, and I have mild PTSD from the experience. I don’t go to concerts or crowded events anymore in the United States, because I am so anxious about a shooting or a bomber than I can’t even enjoy myself. When I hear loud bangs, I usually flinch and go into a brief fight or flight response. However, I have to remind myself here that nobody has guns except the police.
The other day I was at a dance club, and the Orlando nightclub shooting crossed my mind. Usually after a thought like that my night would be ruined, but I feel safe here. I do not constantly fear for my safety. Until we can get a handle on our gun and shooting problem, we will continue to be laughing stock of the world. We are pathetic.
Attire
I have always been someone who takes pride in my appearance and enjoys doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed up. I live for an event to get dressed up for, and for the Spaniards that is everyday. It is not uncommon to see a mother, probably stay-at-home, pushing her stroller through the street midday in heels, dress, hat, and full hair and makeup.
I don’t mean to say that everyone must always be dressed up or that self-worth should be tied into our appearances. However, I like the idea that Spaniards dress to put their best face forward. It’s almost like dressing for how you feel. If I spend all day in pajamas I’m going to feel like a bum, but if I put on a cute outfit and do my hair I will feel more productive and put together even if I’m doing the same thing.
I’m all about comfort, but I kind of can’t stand that workout wear is now acceptable in most contexts. I genuinely feel that not putting ourselves together every day anymore like we used to as a society is contributing (albeit in a very small way compared to other factors) to our mental health problems. This may sound like a stretch to people, but I think of my 96 year old grandma. She has nowhere to be everyday, but everyday at 7am she gets dressed up and puts on her makeup. I think that this is part of the reason that she still has all her mental faculties and is in good spirits. It’s like if you take care of your exterior, your interior will also reap the benefits.
Money
The fact is that Spanish people, as a whole, just don’t seem to care a whole lot about money. It’s a culture where people spend most of what they make, don’t invest or save often, and just generally seem less stressed about the accumulation of wealth. This is best illustrated by the café culture here. When you go to order a coffee at Starbuck’s in the United States, you obviously pay first and then they give you your coffee. In Spain, you order, take your coffee, stay as long as you like, and you are expected to go back to the counter and pay before you leave. This is the same at bars and most casual restaurants. They trust people to pay, and if they don’t well, money isn’t the most important thing anyways.
I went to recharge my bus card with more tickets, and their credit card reader wasn’t working and I didn’t have cash, so I told them that I would come back the next day. The cashier responded something like “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. I’ll recharge your card, and you can just come back tomorrow and pay.” This nonchalance about payment simply wouldn’t happen in the U.S. Every time I have paid my rent, I paid it on the 1st of the month, but other friends of mine would forget for months to pay rent or electric and no one would come to collect the money.
This certainly doesn’t make for the most financially successful culture when you’re competing against financially cutthroat countries like the U.S. and Germany. I actually like the laid-backness of money here, because it breeds an environment of trust rather than distrust, and I think it’s much healthier mentally to expect the best of people and occasionally be disappointed than to live your whole life thinking the worst of people.
These are the things about the United States that I will not be too excited to jump back into when I go home, but I hope that by staying there I can hopefully change some of these things. I’m not giving up on it yet.