If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you might remember my very first blog post. In it, I wrote about a carnival that I went to with my mom and the spur of the moment rollercoaster ride that reminded me that I get my sense of adventure from my mom. If you haven’t been reading my blog for long, then let me introduce you to my mom.
My parents, like many people’s parents, separated and then eventually divorced when I was eight. Thus, I would describe myself as having been raised by a single mother, because my dad was not around much for other circumstances that were both in and out of his control.
We were never lacking any of the basic necessities to live, and I never saw my mother worry too much about money. However, there were other ways in which I noticed my family differed from other families. We only had one car, and my brother and I took the bus Kindergarten through senior year of high school. My brother didn’t have a dad around to take him to the batting cages or toss a ball outside. This isn’t to say that we ever felt that we were severely missing out, but I always got the sense, and I later confirmed, that my mother always felt the need to overcompensate in other areas of our lives. For one, we had more pets than most other parents would rationally allow.
However, by the time I was in high school I had realized the most significant way in which my family diverged from others. By the time I entered college, I had traveled to Poland, Germany, Ireland, Austria, Italy, Greece, France, Mexico, Canada, and the U.K. While my other friends were at Wisconsin Dells, my mother had saved up all of our money to go to Poland or Germany or Ireland. And my mother didn’t just book us on an all-inclusive tour. She created the entire itinerary, bought maps, rented a car, learned bits of foreign languages, all so that she could introduce my brother and I to Europe and travel and what my mom (and now I) believe is the most enriching and purposeful luxury you can buy. So sure, I never owned a car like my other friends, but I had also seen half of Europe before they’d left Illinois.
All of this is to say that my mother is the single reason that I have grown into an independent and adventurous woman who spends most of her time seeking out unique experiences like study abroad, AmeriCorps, and now Fulbright. Since Mother’s Day just passed and her birthday is this weekend, I wanted a big chunk of this blog post to be dedicated to this. I know that I am incredibly privileged to have been able to experience the things I have, and I know that I only have this privilege because of sacrifices my mother has made throughout the years.
I know everyone thinks that their mother is the best, but I would be willing to bet no one else’s mother reading this has climbed Huaynapicchu, the 850ft mountain at an 8, 835ft elevation in Machu Picchu, or navigated the incredibly confusing Warsaw bus system at 11pm with two young children and their luggage.
Well, as much fun as I have been having in Fulbright here in Spain, there is no denying that after a certain period of time home sickness and culture shock start to set in. Even for the most adventurous of us, sometimes you just want to feel comfortable, and living outside your native country and language is decidedly uncomfortable. There’s just no other way to say it. So I was missing my mom a lot, and in true form, she made a spontaneous decision to come visit me in Copenhagen.
I had an extra long weekend, and I had plans to visit by myself. No one really wanted to go since it was so far and expensive and cold, but it was one of the places that I really regretted not having visited back when I was studying abroad in Madrid. When I mentioned it to my mom, I didn’t think she would actually come, but now instead of going alone, I was going with my best friend. It was the best way the situation could have turned out.
Because my town, Logroño, is relatively far from Spain’s largest airports, traveling anywhere is always a struggle and usually involves sleeping overnight in Barajas or El Prat, but this time I didn’t even mind because all I could think about was how I was going to be seeing a familiar face in 10 hours, and even better my mom’s.
What I didn’t realize was how much Denmark and Copenhagen would feel like home. I know that considering all of the world cultures and societies, Spain and the United States are more similar than different. However, if you’ve ever lived in Southern Europe (I’m talking Spain, Portugal, Greece, Italy, etc.) then you know that it’s about as different as Europe could be from the United States. There is a huge cultural divide between Northern and Southern Europe, and it wasn’t until I landed in Copenhagen that I really felt how similar Northern Europe was to the United States. Sure, they have their shit together with socialized medicine and free higher education in a way that I’m not sure we ever will, but the way that people conduct themselves and the personalities felt incredibly familiar and comforting. When I reunited with my mom at the baggage check, she noticed it too. People were smiling and waving, and generally followed rules and logistics. I don’t personally share this opinion, but when I mentioned to our taxi driver that I was living in Spain, his response was “Wow, how’s that? They’re pretty backwards over there.”
Our first day was a bit of a jetlagged haze, but we walked around the old city center and walked in and out of the bougiest shops I’ve ever seen. This was the second major thing I noticed about Copenhagen, and Denmark in general. It was mind-blowingly expensive. The Danish krone is a bit of a confusing currency, but 1 Danish krone is only worth .16 USD, so 16 cents. This made it difficult to conceptualize at first how much you were spending on something, but once you did the conversion, it was a bit jolting. My coffee one morning was 45 krone, which is about $7, and it was nearly impossible to find a decent meal at a sit-down restaurant for less than 200 krone, about $30 a plate.
The next morning was Great Prayer Day, a Danish national holiday that is always the 4th Friday after Easter. Nobody there could really tell me about it’s significance, so I’m feeling like it’s a Columbus Day of sorts where we still get it off even though it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense (him being a pretty evil guy who wiped out an entire civilization and all). But this meant that most non-essential things were closed.
We opted to take a free walking tour that day with Sandeman’s. I’ve mentioned them before on this blog, but I’ll emphasize again that it’s a great cheap way to see the city and learn about the history. It’s not entirely free, because you tip your guide at the end to your own discretion. We learned about Denmark’s pseudo-rivalry with Sweden to be the happiest country in the world, and we learned that Hans Christian Anderson was Danish, which is why nearly every street is some version of his name. We also learned about hygge, the Danish concept of coziness and being together with people you love. It doesn’t translate to English, but it’s very trendy right now, and most of the restaurants and cafés are really capitalizing on this trendiness. Most fascinating to me was that even though Denmark is frequently listed as one of the happiest if not the happiest country in the world, they actually have fairly high depression and suicide rates due to the dark, dreary winters when the sun sets at 2pm some days. I really recommend tours with locals, because you always get to understand the city and the culture on a more personal level.
That night we had a very hyggelig dinner at an outdoor café where we had traditional smørrebrod, a dish that is essentially toast with fancy toppings, many of which are various types of smoked fish and pickled vegetables, so not every one’s cup of tea. After dinner, we went to explore Tivoli Gardens, which was probably my favorite thing that we saw in Copenhagen. From the outside of the gates, it looks like another amusement park, and really that’s what it is during the day. This is why I suggest going at night, because at night it is lit up and it feels so surreally picturesque, like the carnival scene in Big Fish or Water for Elephants. It was stunning, and I felt like I could walk around there all night. There was a concert going on when we were there, so it was packed, which only added to the ambiance.
Saturday was our day to explore as much as possible since the rain was going to hold off all day. We started by seeing Nyhavn, the picturesque canal with colorful facades and old sailboats that is always on Copenhagen paraphernalia. Afterwards we walked out to Freetown Christiana, which I think is one of the most unique things in Copenhagen. It’s a commune inside the city but that functions as its own community with its own rules. It is technically subject to Copenhagen and Denmark’s laws, which is why sometimes it does get raided. But for the most part, the city leaves it alone, and what most people go there for is the weed. It’s not legal, but it’s easy and safe to buy it in Christiana’s red light district.
This is yet another reason I love my mom. We can walk through a hippy commune through clouds of marijuana, and it’s totally normal. She’s liberal, but more importantly she’s just supportive and open to anything. I’m sure we were a bit of a strange sight, mother and daughter, walking through Christiana just hanging out.
The rest of the day was just spending wandering the city, including the hipster neighborhood of Vesterbrø, which was pitched to us as a place where sex workers, junkies, and families live in harmony as neighbors. This is one way in which United States culture diverges from the laid-back and open Scandinavian culture. I can’t really think of a place where families would willingly be living near drug-addicts, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. As with most things it’s neither, just different.
Because I was with my mom, and because what we do best is just hang out, we bought some face masks and went back early to the AirBnb to drink tea and watch crimes shows. We also went to bed early, because the next morning we had plans to take the train across the channel to Malmö, Sweden!
Yeah, apparently going to Sweden is as easy and a cheap as taking the train into downtown Chicago for the day. Everything about the train ride was so sleek and modern that it felt like I was in a scene from Snowpiercer (side note: sorry for all the movie references in this post, I’m really missing American movies). Malmö is fairly small, and there isn’t a ton to see, but it had a really cute old town with some shopping and “The Twisted Torso,” which is a modern piece of architecture that the city is known for.
And then it was Monday, my last full day with my mom. It rained, of course, but that didn’t stop us from seeing that last few sights that we still had including the Rundetaarn and Rosenborg Castle. It was a very low-key day, but it made me kind of sad, because I knew that it was my last day with my mom until late June and because I would be leaving a place where I actually felt comfortable. Even though I do not speak any Danish, I felt more at home in that weekend in Copenhagen than I have felt the two times in lived in Spain even though I speak fluent Spanish. I think it goes to show that culture and “fitting in” is much more than a function of your language or food or traditions. It’s about the small things. It’s about grocery stores being open on Sundays and people making small talk. It’s about people not cutting in line and not openly scowling when you give them a big bill instead of exact change.
As my year here in Spain winds down, I will be doing a thorough blog post about cultural differences between the two countries, and this trip sparked so much more fodder for that article because it reminded me of the things I hadn’t even known I’d missed. I absolutely fell in love with Copenhagen, and I could definitely see myself trying to live there at some point in the future. But it was a bit hard to see my mom and be in a familiar culture so close to the end. Yet I know that when I get home I will be missing Spain and Copenhagen and all the amazing places that I have been privileged enough to visit all because of my mom and the importance that she stressed on travel, learning languages, and constantly expanding your comfort zone. I know that I would not be here if it weren’t for her. Happy Birthday, Mom!
Happy Birthday, Mom!