Study Abroad: And So It Ends

And so it ended where it started…at my kitchen table. I wrote the very first Pre-Departure blog post at my kitchen table, and now 6 months later I’m hovered over it again attempting to put into words everything that I’ve gone through in this time.

Surely, I would have had a life changing experience regardless, but my father passing away in the middle of study abroad set me off on a different mindset. I think that when I’m 40 and presumably living my “grown-up” life, I’ll look back on these 6 months and remember them as the ones that made a difference.

Sometimes I think to myself that what I think I want and what I actually want are not the same thing. I think this proved true to study abroad. I never mentioned this, but I didn’t want to live in a homestay or go on a program with my university. I told myself that I’d rather make friends from other universities and branch out, and I told myself that I’d find away to get fluent on my own.

I know now that I could never have done that. I am so deeply appreciative for my host family. My Spanish has improved probably at least 200%, and I owe it to all my conversations with them over dinner and time spent watching Spanish TV shows afterwards. They were kind to me when I was sick, making me soup, bringing me water, and diligently checking my temperature. When I finally left, I cried, because it was only then that I realized how close I’d become with them. I had told them when I went out on a date and then recapped after, and I shared in my grief over my dad. There is no doubt in my mind that a homestay was the right choice, and I know I’ll be visiting them in the next couple years.

I’m also really glad that I went with my university, because now I can bring those friendships home instead of having them just be memories that I think about when I see the pictures.

What I’ll remember the most about study abroad is how close I got with my group of friends over there. We just about died laughing every 2.5 seconds over every little inside joke from our travels. We were able to communicate across the room with only eye glances.

We did everything together. When I didn’t see one of them for a day, it felt like it had been forever the next time I saw them. I was scared to go back after my dad died, because I knew thoughts of him would haunt me. But these girls found a way to make me laugh and keep my mind off everything. In a way they were my family until I could get back into the support of my real family.

Before I get into the less enjoyable parts of abroad, I have to put a disclaimer on this whole post. I recognize that I am incredibly privileged and lucky to have had this opportunity to travel all around Europe. I always try to look at all the positives of the experience, because I know people would kill for an experience like this. However, that shouldn’t discredit the hard parts of studying abroad, the less glamorous ones that no one likes to talk about it. All we see on Instagram and Facebook are the “pretty” moments of people’s lives (especially study abroad), but people don’t record the “ugly” moments. No one posts a picture about when they got food poisoning from bad street food or or having your phone stolen in a club or being harassed by some on the Metro.

None of those things specifically happened to me, they happened to other people abroad. But here are some of my “ugly” moments.

1. Getting the flu twice
2. Puking my brains out for two days with the flu
3. Having my flight get messed up and having to pay for a whole new ticket
4. Hauling my luggage up and down the metro stairs dozens of times
5. Losing my metro pass
6. Having a homeless man pee in front of me in the park
7. Rude waiters
8. Missing home so much it hurts
9. Twist my ankle on cobblestone more times than I can count
10. When your host mom inevitably feeds you something you hate but you have to eat the entire thing to not seem rude

I think it’s just as important to remember these moments, because they’re the ones that change you, not the easy parts. There’s something about taking care of yourself when you’re sick that really builds character. Studying abroad is hard, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s supposed to be, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Of course the ugliest moment was my father passing away. Leaving my family after the funeral to go back to Spain for another 4 months was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not just saying that. It taught me that I’m stronger than I realize. I wish more people challenged themselves, because I think they’d feel better afterwards because they’d know just how much more they’re capable of. If you never test your limits, you never know just how great you are.

That’s not to say I didn’t have my “pretty” moments. Here are a few of my favorite moments abroad.

1. Getting dressed up and going to dinner alone in Lisbon at a restaurant that looks over the harbor at sunset
2. A spontaneous snowstorm in Prague
3. Revisiting Dublin and staying out all night with two close friends
4. Lying on the beach in Tossa de Mar with my mom
5. Hiking the Camino with my class in Galicia
6. Eating pasta in Prague and talking for hours about pop punk bands and 2000s throwbacks
7. Sitting on The Fault in Our Stars Bench in Amsterdam
8. Running around Vienna trying to find a concert and realizing we had been scammed by the guy who sold us the tickets (it really was funny I promise)
9. Drinking sangria at Cuevas de Sésamo and meeting a hilarious guy named Jorge and consequently dancing Flamenco in the streets of Madrid
10. Petting various stray cats and dogs in 8 different countries
11. Eating in the café where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter
12. Eating all the jamón I could possibly imagine
13. Having an Easter picnic by myself in Retiro and reading all day

Before I get into the main realization I took away from my trip, I want to do some fun stats about my experience.

Cities traveled to: (14)
• Madrid
• Barcelona
• Sevilla
• Santiago de Compostela
• San Sebastian
• Lisbon
• Prague
• Budapest
• Vienna
• Belfast
• Dublin
• Edinburgh
• Glasgow
• Amsterdam

Countries traveled to: (8)

• Netherlands
• Czech Republic
• Austria
• Hungary
• Portugal
• Spain
• Ireland
• Scotland

Madrid Metro Stops Visited: (53) (18% of the metro)

Flights: 14

Train Rides: 7

Times I Stayed Out All Night: 4 (times I regretted it ¾)

Books Read: 12

Seasons of Survivor Watched: 4

These are just a few things from my trip. I had hoped that I would be changed in some way by this trip, and I am happy to say that I was. I’m not just saying this to have a nice bow wrapped on this whole experience. I truly do feel quite different.

I’ve always been the sort of person that cares about prestige and accomplishment, but in Spain there is more of an emphasis on being happy and enjoying life’s simple pleasures like good ham or sangria. I’ve always told myself that I needed a prestigious job like director, doctor, judge, but after my dad dying I just want to be happy. My dad wasn’t as happy as he could have been. That’s a sad fact, and I just can’t imagine myself living the life that I had told myself I wanted before. I feel it would be a disgrace to not have learned anything from his life.

I don’t want to work for years to get a prestigious job in a big city that’s going to stress me out. I just want to have nice life. I want to live in the country like I always wanted to when I was younger. I want to swim and camp and hike. I want to adopt dogs and cats and go to the library every day. I want to write stories in my free time and cook good meals for the people I love. I want to fall in love in the first place. I want to travel and not save all my money for a rainy day. Life is my rainy day. I don’t need to be sad to have an excuse to enjoy myself. Neither do you.

I don’t care about the things I used to anymore, but that’s okay. I’m not the person I used to be either. I’m a little harder around the edges, because I’ve been through a lot. But I also feel lighter. I don’t feel a burden to accomplish so much. I don’t feel a burden to do anything as a matter of fact. The only obligation I have to myself is to make myself happy. That’s the part of Spanish culture that I’m the most grateful to bring back to the United States.

Dedicated to My Dad

Michael G. Brogdon

January 28th, 1958–February 6th, 2015