Spain Pre-Departure: Go Above Your Nerve

I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me, trust me, I know. Everyday I didn’t write felt like I was betraying a little part of myself. It’s hard to feel inspired when you have three midterms in one week or 6 hours of course readings in a night. The moments I did have to spare, I spent them with my friends, because my friendships mean everything to me. I don’t regret the choices I’ve made, but now that most of my day is free, I’m excited to get writing again.

Last week I saw the movie “Wild,” starring Reese Witherspoon, with my mom. I highly recommend it to everyone, but especially those who are in a slump or about to embark on a journey. There’s a quote in there that I have been repeating to myself before bed or when I’m out driving alone. At the beginning of the movie, she writes in a journal, “If your nerve deny you, go above your nerve.” It’s a quote by Emily Dickinson originally, but I think in the context of travel it’s especially powerful.

Madrid Skyline

I am not going through a rough patch. I’m actually having a pretty good time in my life right now, so I saw this movie because I’m about to embark on a journey. I am leaving tomorrow to study abroad in Spain for 5.5 months. I will be living in Madrid with a Spanish family, going to the Universidad de Carlos III with other Spanish students, and generally immersing myself in the language and culture. My Spanish is good, but naturally I’m worried it’s not good enough. What will I say when I get there? Will I understand the Spanish accent when I’ve exclusively learned from Central American instructors my whole life? My nerve is really trying to deny me right now. But I’m going to deny it right back.

I’ve always been pretty good about living with a certain level of fear and uncertainty. Most people, I think, don’t do most things that they want to do because it would require a period of fear, and it’s always easier to do the comfortable thing. I could stay on campus with my friends, take familiar classes, spend weekends watching Netflix and shopping, and I would be perfectly happy. But the point of study abroad is to do the thing that scares me. So that’s what I’m going to do for the next 5.5 months. I don’t really know anyone over there. I am not fluent in Spanish, and I’ve never been on my own this long. But I’m going to do it, because life is not for feeling comfortable, it’s for living. Living encompasses so much more than comfort.

Here a few things you can look forward to in the next few months. I will be visiting most of Spain, on our spring break, I will be visiting Budapest, Prague, and Vienna. I also hope to make trips to the south of France and Portugal. I guess that’s all I have to write for now, but I’m going to try to write once a week detailing what I’m doing and how I’m feeling in the hopes that someday this blog can help someone else deny their nerve. See you across the pond!